Poem about Las Vegas "What Happens in Vegas"

What Happens in Vegas

The mythical city of “Lost Wages”

They say “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”
But, you’ll probably end up like Katy Perry in “Waking up in Vegas”
Or like Clark W. Griswold in “Vegas Vacation”
Or like that nerdy guy from the movie “The Hangover”

Vegas, baby

The city that never sleeps (or is that New York?)
I experienced this city of light (or is that Paris?)
And it took a little cat nap (with one eye open) early one morning
Like the lonely old lady mindlessly playing the slot machine at 3 AM
(there are no clocks or windows so I’m sure she didn’t even realize the time)

The gambling capital of the world

Penny slots lead to dollar slots then to table games and then to card games and sports betting
Why not?
Everyone else seems to be winning, so it’s got to be your turn
Each new gamble has to be the one to get your losses back

More hotel rooms than any other city in the USA

Scale models of New York and Paris (who needs the real ones?)
Wear your sneakers and go explore ancient Greece or modern Venice (without the jetlag)
Stay in a Pyramid or a medieval castle
The most expensive building & resort ever built in North America
Three of the top 10 most expensive buildings in the world
The world’s largest glass sculpture, sign, and atrium
The planet’s most powerful light beam (1 of 3 man-made things that can be seen from space)

Entertainment capital of the world (or is that Los Angeles?)

See a free pirate or volcano show from the sidewalk on the strip
Watch the Bellagio fountain show from the observation deck on top of the mini Eifel Tower
See a singing frog on Wynn’s lake of dreams
Buy your “discount” tickets on the strip near M&M world (not much of a discount, really)
Every resort with a “unique” Cirque du Soleil show (not so unique, actually)
Donnie & Marie, Blue Man Group, David Copperfield, Criss Angel, Celine and Britney are there
As are discounted variety shows with up and coming magicians, jugglers and acrobats
And celebrity impersonators and tributes galore
The highest observation wheel in the world
Arcades, zip lines, roller coasters and an indoor amusement park
The world’s longest decelerator sky jump (sort of a combination of rappelling and a reverse bungee jump)
The world’s highest thrill rides on top of the Stratosphere (where did the roller-coaster go?)
The world’s largest video display and gold nugget on Fremont

Sin City (or is that a Frank Miller graphic novel? Or is that Bangkok?)

The ultimate stag party at the world’s largest gentlemen’s club (or is that a drunk, obnoxious pervert’s club?)
Hispanic immigrants clicking the hooker business cards (trying to get you to look at them)
Every cab adorned with the picture and phone number of some vixen
You can see naked, dancing vampires and zombies (seriously?)
Burlesque shows lead to strip clubs then to lap dances and then to prostitutes
It’s the natural progression
Bad decisions memorialized at a drive-through wedding chapel (Elvis officiating)
Or a visit to the doctor for the rash you got from the masseuse who came to your hotel room

Completely over-the-top

Ever-expanding and re-developing
Demolishing classic buildings and moral standards alike (“Boom” goes the dynamite!)
Out with the old and in with the new (like the trophy brides at the Vegas wedding chapels)
The flavour of the month is already past its expiration date
The world’s most convention and meeting space keeps growing most-er

No self-control or restraint here

Dance all night and catch up on your sleep by the pool
One plate is not enough (your eyes are bigger than your stomach)
After you grab a foot-long hot dog and shrimp cocktail,
Stuff your face at countless all-you-can-eat buffets with endless delicious, decadent choices (don’t bite off more than you can chew)
One restaurant even gives free, greasy, fatty food to morbidly obese people after they sign a waiver (please save us from ourselves)
They loosen you up with free cocktails while you gamble (don’t forget to tip the waitress so they’ll come back)
Next thing you know, college kids are cradling alcohol in cups that are half as tall as they are
And waking up and not knowing where they are or how they got there (or who they are sleeping beside)
Bars and liquor stores in every resort and on every street corner (you’ll never be parched)
The rat pack and mobsters used to rub shoulders here

Artificial oasis in a vast desert (or is it simply a Mirage?)

Do our grand dreams evaporate in the sun
And our Money get pumped from our wallets
Like the water in Lake Mead?
It can’t go on forever, can it?

What happens in Vegas

can’t be contained in Vegas
It shines like a beacon (or is that lighthouse warning of danger? Or is that a bright red light in a red light district?)
Challenging other cities to try to outdo her in a race to the bottom
A siren on Treasure Island tempting us to give ourselves to her (and crash into the rocks)
Vegas changes us

Kevin Strong

2014

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